I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
