She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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