All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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