i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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