we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
