Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
