i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
