Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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