I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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