He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
