I just saw a hot homeless man
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
