and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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