are you still at the devil's house?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Hippo gnu deer
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
