I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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