WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
