bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
