She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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