Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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