yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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