I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
