how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
