dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize