I think im going to throw up on grandma
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
