Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
