hotel room ftw
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
