Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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