Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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