Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
