Joe is yelling at the trees again.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Found the puke drawer
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I party with great urgency now.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
