drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
