It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
