my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
