I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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