Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
