all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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