Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
