I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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