I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
