whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
