omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
