Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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