Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
