summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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