You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
