did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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