Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Randomize
