Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
