mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
What a dumb baby whore.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
