I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
do herpes really smell.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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