..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
