so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
