My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I need to calm my uterus...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
