either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
