I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
