Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
