Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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