So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
