you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
