Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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