and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
