ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
True college students do jello shots in the library
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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