using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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