You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
