Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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