I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
