Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
