Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
